Let's Go Rob a Bank

(Published in the Fairfield County Weekly, 7/11)

Good news for everybody out there who’s a little low on cash or who’s a little bored of the daily grind. Try something new and exciting. Rob a bank. Be a bandit for a couple days.

Bank tellers and lackadaisical bank policies are helping to put Fairfield on the map as the “Connecticut’s Most-Robbed County” this year, with around 17 so far and a record-breaking five in Norwalk in one month. Fairfield might even surpass the record set last year, with 21. Tellers are accepting simple hand-written notes in place of checks or withdrawal slips and have an abundance of extra money sitting around.

You don’t need to be courageous, armed or even cause a scene. No gun was shown in any of these cases, no people got down on their stomachs and no snipers were called in. Just a couple of guys with a clever idea to get rich, that’s all. The two biggest players have been arrested already, so the town needs a new burglar-hero. Don’t let the prospect of a bright orange jumpsuit hold you back. Jail comes and goes. These dudes will be out soon, and so will you!

Just follow the lead of the “white, olive-skinned male” who robbed both the Bank of America branch in the Dock Shopping Center Friday and the Chase Bank on Main St. in Bridgeport, along with two others in the area. His name is Carmine Delgaizo and he was arrested in Westchester in late June. It seems he was the first to use the note idea, simply passing a note to the teller, implying the presence of a gun.

Or, you could follow the lead of the thin 6-foot tall black man, later identified as Anthony Thigpen, also arrested, who robbed the People’s Bank in Stratford, the Bank of America in Fairfield by the Kings Highway Cutoff, and three others. This guy knows irony. He wore a white shirt with the picture of a dollar bill on it when he robbed the one in Fairfield. That almost makes it OK, doesn’t it?

It seems the two have been the busiest of any others, totaling at least nine combined heists together. Each man walked away with “an undisclosed amount of cash” every time. No questions asked. And look at his picture of Delgaizo. Do you see the shit he’s eating with that grin? Not only will this note idea make you rich, it’ll apparently raise your self-esteem! Act quick, because last year’s robbery record won’t get broken by itself. There are only 5 months left. And, who knows when these tellers will end their generosity. Don’t know about you, but an undisclosed amount of cash sound pretty nice. So, start brainstorming on clever ways to let your favorite bank teller know “that this is a hold-up,” because there’s money out there to be had.